my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
