this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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