Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
