I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
