He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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