Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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