I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
