I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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