clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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