That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
