I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
