Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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