The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
