I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
