Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
