Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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