he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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