All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
