Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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