so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
