You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
