you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
