piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
