It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
