At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
