Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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