Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
