guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
