My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
