Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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