I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
