I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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