i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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