You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
