Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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