i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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