Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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