I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am available for nakedness
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
