Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
