If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
