video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
