i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
