my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
