he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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