The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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