I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
