I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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