Will you blow on my dice?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
