my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
