He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
