do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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