I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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