I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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