The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
