you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
