Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
