Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
