Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
