The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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