I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
