It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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