I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
