I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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