Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
