I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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