he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
